Minimalism & Hoarding

I started a minimalism journey back in about April. Well, technically before then, but I didn't know the word "minimalism" and the culture related to it, until this year. My "Minimalism" journey started with watching YouTube videos of people decluttering. A lot of them were talking about Marie Kondo and her book, "The life changing magic of tidying up". I checked it out from the library and read it in about 3 days. I realized that re-organizing was only getting me so far when there were so many little things that I never used. Her guidance was to hold each item and determine if it brought you Joy. Some parts of the book were a little cheesy, but the basic ideas were helpful. 

Sometimes you buy something because of the joy of shopping (especially on vacation), but when you get home, it sits on a shelf and isn't particularly meaningful. That is when it's time to let it go. It brought you joy to buy it, but that joy is gone, so thank it for that bit of joy and remove it, since the joy isn't continuing. 

Holding an item and determining its "joy" factor is helpful when I'm feeling overwhelmed with the amount of stuff around me, and although I do 'like' a lot of this stuff, is it adding to my joy or is it adding to my clutter-stress? 

History

My dad is a hoarder and I've learned the value of items from him as well as the importance of taking care if it. I've also learned, from his bad example, that if you can't access it, you may as well not own it. For this reason, I organize and reorganize over again to make things as clearly visible and as accessible as possible. 

After getting married, I started to collect furniture and things others were discarding to furnish my home. I often brought stuff home to our apartment that I didn't technically have room for. I was saving it for our future house. Three and a half years ago I moved into our first home. After moving it all in and organizing it, I realized I had over saved! I still had too much stuff! I was amazed that I had somehow carefully stuffed our previous 2-bedroom, 700 sq ft apartment, to overfill a 1750 sq ft house! I got rid of a few big things right away, but it's been a long journey trying to go through the little things. This is when I realized I may have some hoarder tendencies. Confronting your stuff is more about internal conflicts than the actual item. 

Hoarding is an anxiety disorder. And when you start to talk to yourself about getting rid of things so that you fit inside your space, you have to confront those anxieties. What If I Need This Someday!!!! But This was a Gift!!! I need this to Remember that one time I... 

Or more specifically, if I donate all my textbooks from college and throw away all my notes, I might as well THROW AWAY MY DEGREE!! Right? 

I have too keep all of my favorite books because they helped make me WHO I AM! And I'm totally going to read those other 50 books on the shelf; it's on the to do list and I want to know that stuff. 

What if the internet is inaccessible and the power is out, and I need some information? I've gotta have this in my filing cabinet!!

But I was so proud of myself when I made this. Shouldn't I keep things I am proud of and did a good job on? So what, it's dusty and nearly ruined?! Maybe I could fix it. 

I will definitely fix this someday. It's on the to do list and in the "fix this" box. It would be fun on some rainy afternoon.

My Journey

Since I am a constant re-organizer, I have actually gone through most of my piles throughout the house at least once. So going through it again with the Marie Kondo method or KonMari method, I figure was going to be a bit more difficult for me than for others who have been ignoring their piles for years. Or maybe it's just harder because I might be a hoarder. Or maybe I just tell myself that it's harder for me than other people so I feel better when I don't declutter down to the level I was hoping... or when my donate pile is quite small. 

I started with Marie Kondo's suggested areas - clothes, then books, then paper. I didn't quite follow all of her instructions... like I didn't pull it all off the shelves and make a big pile. But I did pull each book out and decide if its staying or leaving. But paper is a very difficult spot for me, and since the majority of the paper isn't in the way, I got about half way and skipped forward. 

Then skipped around. And back and forth. And around. And backtracked. A couple things got pulled back out of the donate pile. So now I'm thinking, I don't feel like I've accomplished very much, and instead, I have a huge list of UNFINISHED PROJECTS! paper system, school notes, scrapbooks, craft supplies, sewing projects, books to read, recipes to digitize, home-school system to create, child activities to laminate, meal plan system to finish, jewelry to fix, etc.

Haha. Oops. 

I may not be giving myself enough credit however. Once something leaves your house, it's quite easy to forget you ever had it here, so it's good to take before and after photos so you feel more accomplished. In May I donated 9 large bags of fabric and sewing supplies. I donated a bag of toys in the summer and a box of craft supplies. I donated another 8 large bag/boxes of stuff in about August... though about half of which came from my fathers storage unit, never entered the house and was items from my and my sibling's childhood. Then a couple weeks ago, I participated in a garage sale and sold another two bags of items and took most of the rest of it to donations - about 2 more bags. 

Stumbling Blocks

Anxiety is a stumbling block. I had post-partum anxiety after both pregnancies, but it didn't go away after the second one. Apparently it's going to be lingering with me a while. I can tell when it's particularly bad because I fixate on things that are huge "what ifs" that I really can't do much about. What if there's an earthquake and my house is leveled?! What if I'm stuck in the corner of my basement and the house has fallen into a sinkhole?! 

When I have high levels of Anxiety, it makes it nearly impossible to work on decluttering. My ability to make decisions and focus on a task is already compromised. So the first task in decluttering is taking care of myself. When I get enough sleep during sleep normal hours, eat well, and rest when I'm sick, I have a higher level of functioning. This can be difficult though, because when I am highly anxious and stressed, the clutter bothers me far more. 

Bad Habits. When you hit a spot where you can't come to a decision, you take a break, and never come back. Or move on to something else. It's a bad habit. Soon, every room in the house has a pile that needs addressing and you haven't spent any time or energy on trying to solve the problem. I like picking the easy piles as much as the next person. But plugging through the difficult one will give you the biggest self-esteem boost and feelings of accomplishment. 

Some examples of problems without solutions that I currently have are: 

How to I dispose of cleaners I don't like? I'm conscious of the environment and don't want to dump it down the drain. I could try to "use it up" (though that just means it goes down the drain in small increments anyway), but it may take months to get through that much cleaner, and I need the space. What's the chances my friends and neighbors will take it off my hands? And lotions...

I'd like to get my fabric and sewing supplies down to one utility/gorilla shelf (currently 2) but in order to do that, I need to spend a lot of time finishing my projects. However, I'm impatient and want it done sooner than later. It's impossible to do well on a sewing project when I'm feeling impatient. But I've already slimmed it down to about as much as I can do without finishing some more projects! Obviously I could just get rid of my projects or the supplies I might need to finish a project, but I feel like that would be counter productive in the long run, as I'd just have to go buy it again. This is my hobby and it doesn't make sense to dump your hobby just because your on a cleaning spree!

I have that same problem with all those books I intend to read. Most I'll donate, some I'll keep as a favorite book, but either way, I can't read when I'm impatient and want to clear off two shelves of books! And I really do want to read these ones! I could donate it to the local library and keep a list of those books, then check them out and I'll have 3 week deadlines on them to get them read... but my library is small and they're more likely to resell them.

Craft supplies. I definitely have more than I need, but I'm not sure how I will utilize them when my kids are old enough to use them. I'd love to have most of what they'll need to do fun projects but at what point is it clutter verses useful? Since I've never had experience with homeschooling, I just don't know. (and where am I doing homeschool anyway? Many people have either a dedicated room or else use the dining room/ table, but I have neither.)

I intend to have at least 4 kids. I'm pregnant with #3. I have both a girl and a boy and there's almost zero gender neutral clothes on the market. So I have 24 totes full of clothes for both boys and girls in every size from Newborn to 6T. I also have no garage and almost no storage area. Where do I put it all?? Is it worth a storage unit (especially since I'm renting out one bedroom in my house... which use to store the bins?) Or would it be more economical to repurchase those clothes again from the thrift store for every kid? (And go through the pain of scheduling a time to do it without the kids... or try to keep track of them while I'm shopping?) Then there's the 5 totes of holiday decorations and 2 totes with life jackets and outdoor toys.

The solution I came up with yesterday is that I'm going to do about 10 outfits and 5 PJs per size per gender. And they will be combined into a single tote. I'm done having a tote for boys 2T and girls 2T. They have to fit in the same 18 gallon tote. Then I'll just have to do laundry more often than once every two or three weeks. (feel free to laugh at me. I hate laundry.) 

I realize a lot of these are things my anxiety are playing into, and you may not have these difficulties. Or you may have them in other categories than I do. But then there's the element of Perfectionism.

I have this grand idea that my home will look almost like a model home when I'm finished. No clutter, clean spaces, elegant decor. But I have two and a half kids and we actually live here. The whole house will never be immaculate all at the same time (and if it was, would we be bored???!) Secondly, I can't make my husband be a minimalist. If he wants 3 shelves full of computer parts, it's not mine to declutter.

More specifically, perfectionists have difficulty calling a category "done." It seems like it could always be slimmed down just a little bit more. Like all the 'maybe' items should have been 'no' and instead got left there as a 'yes' or 'i'll think about it a little longer' while you get mixed back in with the 'definite yes' pile.

Or thinking you wanted it to all fit in this designated spot, but after discovering that most of it 'sparks joy' it still takes up two or three times the space you intended for it. Aggravating.

Solutions

This is a work in progress.

Allow yourself to go through a category and call it "Done" even if it's not quite where you want it to be. There's no rule that says you can't come back and declutter it again. Check it off a visual list.

Give yourself some time to problem solve. Sometimes just trying to 'problem solve' sounds like a stumbling block all by itself (thank-you public schooling in America) but talking to someone about the issue, drawing up a diagram, or writing it out in a blog can help you work through the issue.

Tell yourself that it's possible to get through the pile. Practicing a positive attitude will help you achieve a positive attitude and positively influence your ability to accomplish it. Try to minimize your inner sarcasm. It will do you no good.

Take before pictures! No one does this because they forget or don't believe they'll really make a dent, and if thats true than you can delete the photos. But you can't easily remember what it looked like when you started, so you need it to be able to See your Progress to keep up a positive attitude and your motivation!!

Find a permanent spot for a "Donate" box and a "Sell" box. And even a "Maybe" box. This helps you not have random piles in the hallways that get knocked over and mixed back in with everything else. This process is going to take months and it'll be less stressful for the whole household if they're not tripping on donation boxes all the time. These boxes are your "tools" and tools need a home.

Beware of the floating piles! These are things that you want to keep but you don't have room for in that particular room in the house. As you declutter different categories and areas, these items float from room to room to room. The first solution is to determine where this item's home SHOULD BE. An example would be a humidifier that's not currently in use. Does it belong in your bedroom closet? Or should it be in the linen closet or laundry/utility room? The second solution is to declutter to the point that humidifier fits on the laundry room shelf (or build a couple shelves, if you don't have any. $10 at home depot.) If it's important enough to keep, then it deserves a priority spot on the shelf.

Watch YouTube videos and visit forums where people are trying to solve a problem. I've looked up things like "what college textbooks should I keep?" and "how I organized my craft room". They can be both motivational and helpful when you're solving your own issues. Sometimes I just need them to validate my concerns or fears and know I'm not alone in feeling like I'm 'throwing my degree away!' when I get rid of those college textbooks. Validating your feelings is huge.

Other Resources

My other favorite book about tidying (and time management) is called "Live More with Less: The gift of Minimalism: simplify, declutter, and get organized." It has probably 150 spelling errors, so beware, but it's probably the best book I've ever read to help a hoarder. It's also a fairly short read. I've read that book at least 2 and half times over the last 5 years.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18875064-live-more-with-less